In one of my earliest articles, I wrote about building a position of continuous survival. Looking back, building that stream of sustained revenue was more than just luck and hard work. It was an act of desperation. I worked hard because I was desperate. I tried everything because I was desperate. When the heat is off, I contradicted a younger Steven a lot.

24-year-old Steven spoke about passion.

32-year-old Steven drones on about finding a product that leads to early revenue and spending time with his family.

Something feels off because I have not been feeling the magic. That sparkly feeling before launch. That intense impatience to work all day all night to finish the product.

I do not know what I am doing

I write daily to achieve two goals:

  1. To enforce discipline
  2. To consolidate my thoughts for the day and pen it down for posterity

Through blogging, I repeat stories. But one thing that is not repeatable is congruency in my thoughts. I swing between opinions a lot in search of the optimal path forward. And that is a problem.

The only way I can console myself is that my swings between opinions get smaller. In today's case, I want to force myself into a position of failure. This time, failure is not that scary with everything paid off and a comfortable software developer/product manager role in one of the Silicon Valley giants.

And by allowing myself to fail, I allow myself to fall deep(er) in love with a vision/product instead. And it seems to be working because I feel that intense impatience to launch again. It helps that I am leading the product development by writing code once again.