Anger

Everyone has at least one inner demon, and it is usually an embellishment of one of the seven deadly sins. My inner demon is wrath, and anger is a helluva drug.

The time I screamed "get the fuck out" and have an employee fired

Today I want to tell the world how I terminated the employment of said staff in a rage. No one else except the people that were involved knew about this story.

I cannot remember the exact context of the argument, but there was an argument pertinent to code, and the staff raised his voice at me. I walked over to understand the situation, and the scuffle escalated from a mere discontent to something a lot louder. I got angry, and I shouted for the staff to "get out".

I am not proud of this episode, and it stays in my head as one of the two events at work that I fucked up because I let anger get the better of me.

Anger fuels me

My relationship with anger is two-pronged.

I remember a teacher in my secondary school, labeling me as a loser because I was the odd kid that did not conform to the Anglican school culture of good, well-behaved kids.

I remember being angry at myself for not knowing better and getting myself embroiled in a computer crime when I was 17.

I remember getting ripped off my business partner and losing my business.

And anger is my fuel. I like being angry because I always have it channeled into being productive, so I can prove myself or other doubters wrong.

There is productive anger, and then there is destructive anger.

But anger is a volatile substance. And like a high-functioning addict, I think I have my addiction under control with rage. Until I don't. And this has happened a few times. I have lost friends I care about; I have done regrettable things.

Anger as fuel to local maximum

I think I hit my plateau in my entrepreneurial path with anger as fuel — a local maximum. But beyond just work, if I do not quit anger soon, it will not just be work that will take a hit. Everything else is at stake. My personal life, my wife, my son, my family, my work, and everything I give a shit about.

I am never letting anger control me again.